Face it Ticia

You don't like to go to the "mountain".

I didn't "love" Mammoth.
I didn't "love" Utah.
I didn't "love" Big Bear.

I've been living up here for 2 1/2 years now in Washintonianland. Today, I took my first trip "to the Hood", Mt. Hood for clarity sake. Here is my dirty "Why I hate the mountain list".

1. I hate the drive. My life always flashes before me. When your life suddenly flashes before you it is bad news people. This is when my dear husband looks over at my white knuckles and kindly slows down 1 mph. What a peach.

2. Getting 2 children into snow "gear". Watching 9 year old shrug off my attempts at helping her get on the "right/warm" gear.

3. Watching the 20 some year old boys in the car ahead of us drink 40oz'ers like coffee at 9am to wash out last nights hang over before they go up and snowboard with my husband, my daughter, friends, neighbors (literally--they were there), and all the other innocent victims on the blasted mountain.

4. Watching my 2 1/2 yr old have a near death experience at the hands of a fast moving teenager at the cafeteria and thus following many other 2 year old ummm, issues.

a. Young boy trips over her and luckily (because he at the least has super quick teenage reactions) falls ON her w/o actually bearing weight on my precious precious. Whatever, now she has PTSD.

b. Falls off her precarious perch on stupid cafeteria plate sized stool or large butt plug, whatever. Oh oops, going off. She falls and loses all her french fries and a large tantrum ensues.

c. Since she now has PTSD from Flash the teenager she goes into hysterics if anyone resembling a teenage boy comes within a 4 foot approximation. Thank the universe she is repelled by teenage boys at such a young age. I'm so proud.

5. Hardly, any cell phone reception to call my husband to rescue us with his logic and all that is best Daddy/Husbandness.


6. Teen/tweenagers walking around with their cell phones, with seemingly 4-5 bars of reception and bonking us in the hear with their boards while in their other ear their I-pod is screaming _________(fill in blank band here). If only I could harness that kind of totally self-centered multitasking. Damnit, my kids and I are the center of the universe; walk AROUND us we are definitely NOT invisible. Have you heard a 2 yr old tantrum? Wooo what a good rant.

SIDE NOTE: Dude, I totally need to talk to them and get their cell phone carriers info. ya'know like try to get them to hit me on the down low. ::snort::

Note to self: Cool me is so long gone if she ever existed but only in my mind. I'm not the shiznit beeyotch. Whew, got that out of my system.

7. They don't serve hot forks to gorge your eyeballs out and eat for lunch to sustain absent minded mother's for: (see #8).


8. Parking. I walked that stupid parking lot 3 times and couldn't find my truck (I don't know why everyone has to buy a ****ing white SUV?) C'mon people. Yes, I see the irony. Little one decided to take a nap on this fun "let's find Mommy's car game" and turned into a 25lb + sack of taters. 5 yr old lovely boy holds out pulling my snow pants down and exposing my very attractive muffin topped long underwear shot. Minutes after I realize I've been flashing numerous muffin spectators he bursts into tears of exhaustion. I swear I'm in a nightmare...oh no I look up, it's just my trip to the "mountain".

Wow, I only had 8. There must be so many more loathing thoughts I could put down. Oh, there are; however, I'm feeling so good now that I'm off the mountain that I'll spare you all the time suck.

Why did I think I'd love Mt. Hood?
Could it be the toddler element? Hmmm. I'll get back to you when she is 5 and I dare to try it again.

Off to counsel myself with a glass of wine because HELLO! One day I'm-a-gonna-have-3 of dem dere teenagers...hopefully, not "that" kind. Denial is so comforting.